So, why did I start (LJ13) good question really. I’m talking to myself here, but I don’t really care, for the next couple of minutes this isn’t going to benefit me, but you.

Throughout my life I have been that mental health sufferer, I have been the anxious kid in the room, the guy who’s to embarrassed to tell anyone that he’s depressed and even worse I have been the man /boy who tried to take his own life before consulting anyone about my problems. Sounds crazy, but it happens.

YES, I hid everything, masked it up, become the loudest person in the room, did the stupid stuff even though I hated it. Post the happy pictures on line. Why? Just to make people think I am happy. Like that was the best way of validating happiness.

This all started in September 2015. This is where I first really noticed I am very different, that being said though growing up in school, college etc I found very tough I knew I was different, did I know why? Did I fuck. But the real adult mental health issues, started just before I went to university in Leeds. For some reason, university is just a different life. It’s like when you go, something will happen, good, bad or fucking awful. A lot happened to me. Thats a story for another time. Description Words- Arrested, Detained, Sectioned, Custody, Tag, Suicidal

When I say I have been there, done it and got the T-shirt. I mean it. I have been at rockbottom, more times than I have had a Sunday roast. I am not even exaggerating when I say that. This isn’t a humblebrag about who’s been suicidal more than the next person. This is fucking real life. The stuff we don’t get taught in school. The stuff that most employers wouldn’t dream about talking to their staff about. (That’s why the get me!)

I have been in full time recovery for about 3 months now and my life could not be fucking better. (Sorry I swear a lot). May 2020 I got formally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have been waiting for this answer for a long time. I was sick to the teeth of a GP ( not disrespect to them, they do great jobs) saying I was depressed or had anxiety like I caught it off someone in the street leading to them prescribing me with antidepressants, mainly (SSRI’s) Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inihibitor. I got misdiagnosed by a GP, multiple times from 2015 to 2019. During 2019 I finally took the plunge of trying mental health medication, and I tell you what, they made me feel worst than I already was. The side effects were dreadful. Lads, if you’re reading this, say goodbye to jizzing. Anyway, sorry to go off on one. June 2020, I started my treatment with Dr Patrick Mbaya from The Priory’s (no I’m not rich, I have healthcare through work!) July 2020 I was diagnosed with Autism, but I will talk about that another time.

2015 until now, I have been told most things, tried most drugs (prescription) miss-diagnosed. I’ve Not been told the right things. I’ve not been told that I need to get my shit together. Tough love is sometimes what you need in life I think I probably needed that. You maybe different, but when you’re in a hole, sometimes It can be hard to get out. But we can work on that!

I will always advocate going to the Doctors to get the first bit of weight off your back. Sometimes it does help talking about it to a medical professional, its their job right? But what if talking doesn’t help? What if you’re in 22 month waiting list to see a psychiatrist or to receive therapy or some kind of treatment? What happens in this time? 99% of the time you will sit there and wait for these months to pass, waiting for that letter to come through the door, think you’re okay, then boom it happened’s again, how do I know? I was that person. I didn’t work on myself once because I thought I have been to see the GP, I’m on the list, I will wait. Let me tell you, that wrong. We need to be proactive. What if I said with all my personal and now professional experience I can tell and show you what the GPs don’t and potentially get you off this waiting list. Help you become happy, medication and waiting list free? I wish I was. I am not a Doctor. I just have lived in breathed it for all of my adult life.

You go to a PT to help with your physical fitness, why not a Mental Health PT for your mental fitness?

When I have spoken in rooms full of 100s of people a question I ask is:
Hands up if you know a good, reliable drug dealer (most people know of one or use one)
The next Question:
Hands up if you know a good reliable therapist? I’ll let you figure out the answer.

When we go to work, its all about structure, what are we doing now, meetings, calendar invites, etc, you get what I mean. We do this because it gets the job done more efficiently. Why aren’t we doing this with our personal life?

If we want to lose weight we adhere to a calorie deficit, high protein diet with some weight training? We cut out most shit that would have a negative impact and subsequently (big word for me) put weight back on.

People are still: taking drugs, drinking irresponsibly, have a shite sleep pattern, socialising with people who have a negative affect on them and still complaining that they’re getting depressed, becoming anxious and suicidal.

WORK- People take accountability or they get sacked
WEIGHT- People take accountability or they get fat or end up with an eating disorder
MIND- People won’t sacrifice because it doesn’t look cool or they’re too easily lead astray

COVID had a negative effect on me, lockdown, relationship break up and becoming suicidal. I decided to change, I decided to sacrifice an awful lot. Push my boundaries, leanrning how to become comfortable in an uncomfortable environment. Why? Because it will have a long term positive effect on me, which all being well, will bring me long term happiness?

This is my first blog, so take it easy. But what I’m saying is I can help you, but I can’t do it for you. But I can assist you and keep you accountable, we can set daily, weekly monthly and even yearly targets. Nobody said it was easy.

I just wish I had someone like me I could work with. I may be in a different situation. But I never, and you would probably not get this offer.


LJ x